What If Adults Weren’t Outnumbered in Learning Communities?

Every learning guide knows the value of strong, meaningful relationships with learners. These connections aren’t just “nice to have”; they are foundational to well-being, growth, and learning. Yet in most learning communities today, guides face an overwhelming challenge: the guide-to-learner ratio is so high that there simply isn’t enough time in the day to build the bonds every learner needs.

As Gabor Maté and Gordon Neufeld highlight in Hold On to Your Kids, children thrive when they feel securely connected to caring adults. When those bonds are weak or absent, learners often turn to their peers for validation and guidance. This might seem harmless—after all, isn’t socialization with peers an important part of growing up? The problem is that peer attachment, when it replaces adult attachment, leaves children vulnerable to insecurity, anxiety, and social pressure. Peers, while important, cannot provide the steady, unconditional support that fosters emotional regulation, resilience, and a strong sense of self.

I experienced this firsthand. Desperate to be considered men and no longer boys when we started high school, my peers and I organized a pseudo-rite of passage to initiate each other into manhood. Unfortunately, this involved a beer bong, putting cigarettes out on each other's arms, and a fistfight. (I do not miss the American suburbs.) Left without meaningful adult guidance, we did what so many young people do—we turned to each other, mimicking what we thought adulthood looked like.

For most of human history, children grew up surrounded by their parents, extended family, and other adults. But industrialization—and later, industrial-style schooling—transformed childhood, removing children from adult-dominated spaces and placing them primarily among peers. Today, adults are vastly outnumbered in learning environments, and the consequences are profound.

Without strong adult relationships, learners’ sense of self becomes fragile, their ability to regulate emotions is impaired, and they struggle to develop resilience. Meanwhile, learning communities, often hyper-focused on academic performance, unintentionally exacerbate the problem by neglecting the relational fabric that makes meaningful learning possible.

Research from Relational Schools underscores that the quality of human connections within a learning community profoundly shapes outcomes. Strong relationships between learners, guides, and families are vital for both academic success and mental health. Neuroscience supports this as well—when children feel securely attached to adults, they experience lower stress levels, stronger executive function, and greater capacity for complex thinking.

So why do we continue structuring learning environments in ways that undermine these relationships? What if, instead of treating learning as something that happens in isolation from family and community, we designed our spaces to actively integrate adults into the daily rhythm of life?

Imagine learning communities that double as co-working spaces for parents, allowing them to remain physically present throughout the day. These spaces could also feature a community café where parents, learners, and guides naturally mix, creating opportunities for connection and collaboration. During breaks, they might share their expertise through workshops or join learners in collaborative projects. A graphic designer might lead a session on visual storytelling; a gardener might teach learners how to grow their own food.

What if parents weren’t just occasional visitors but active participants in the daily rhythm of the community? They could host mentorship circles, offering wisdom and guidance while deepening bonds with learners. Intergenerational learning hubs could invite grandparents and other elders to share their stories, skills, and insights, enriching the culture with their presence.

And what if we completely rethought the adult-to-child ratio? What if learners weren’t primarily surrounded by peers but instead grew up in a web of supportive relationships with adults who truly knew them?

What creative ways do you imagine we could better integrate adults into our learning communities?